WHAT’S IN A NAME?

Edward (Eddie) Miller has been a good friend of mine for many years. In fact we met at college back in the early 70’s when I, as a mediocre drummer, jammed in a band led by Ed, who played a mean tenor sax.

We’d lost track over the years, but last week; on learning of my interest in local politics and my penchant for standing up for the down-trodden and the innocent victims of petty bureaucracy, he emailed me to say that he had been forced to lay-off five life-long members of his trad-jazz band and as a consequence, he was thinking of implementing legal proceeding against the Labour Party in an effort to recoup huge financial losses because of cancelled bookings.

For over 45 years, The Ed Miller Band have played in clubs for weddings in Denton, receptions in Stalybridge, parties in Mossley and jazz festivals in Audenshaw and Droylsden, not to mention many parties in Hyde and Hollingworth and have even topped the bill in far flung places like Greenfield, Denshaw, Diggle and Delph.

This fabulous old traditional jazz band have been playing to record crowds in the traditional ‘New Orleans’ jazz style, and have entertained punters young and old with memorable tunes, ballads & 100’s of popular numbers of the early twentieth century, from their vast repertoire.

However, over the last three years, many long-standing bookings and regular weekly gigs have been steadily dropping off and others have been suddenly cancelled! – A sad state of affairs and a fact that Ed’ himself attributes to an unfortunate name association with Labour leader and Wallace stunt double, Ed Miliband.

Speaking from his sheltered flat in Hattersley, a tearful Mr Miller explained that, “After entertaining the folks of Tameside for almost 50 year we have now reach such a level that we cannot afford to put enough diesel in the van to get us to our next gig in Daisy Nook!”

A local representative of Tameside’s Labour Party replying to a Freedom of Information request (FOI) into the allegation of broken entertainment contracts and booking cancellations, released a statement advising; "Whilst we regret any loss of earnings fer’t local brass or indeed any other band genre as a result of the cloud of misery and boredom that surrounds our fearless leader; and I don’t mean the mighty Quinn; we could not possibly comment on the bands contention that any cancellation of bookings leading to their lack of earnings have anything to do with claiming the public's awareness of Ed Miliband and the similarity of their names has had a devastating effect to their bookings and album sales!

That being said, when an intrepid undercover reporter, masquerading as a volunteer black plastic bag-carrier for John Taylor approached drinkers in the newly refurbished Stalybridge Labour Club (a popular bolt-hole for Labour councillors and their acolytes, when planning the next tranche of celebrities to feature in strategic photo-op litter-picking duties) fans of the unorthodox trad jazz band were seen leaving the club at an astonishing rate of knots after reading that Ed Miliband was featured on the ‘what’s on this week' posters.

"...Then you tie the black plastic bag, just like that!"

According to Anette Kurtain, Head of Arts & Engagement Manager on the council’s Cultural Services Team, she confirmed that as of the beginning of 2013, “The Ed Miller Band have had all their upcoming bookings at Hyde’s Civic Square and each and every Labour Club across Tameside cancelled!


Daryll Beaderday, Entertainment Secretary for the Labour Club in Droylsden, told me; "We really didn't have much of a choice but to cancel the Ed Miller Band once we realised the name sounded like that bloke’ Ed Miliband’. What kind of forward thinking organisation would want to be associated with that socialist Muppet?

However, all may not be lost as the latest local news from Ed’ Millers Manager has announced that after deep discussions, and long hours of research, The Ed’ Miller Band are considering changing their name to 'The Cyril Smith Experience' in an effort to repair and restore the miserable tatters of the band's public image.

The story above is entirely fictitious. It’s satire. A parody if you like and should only be read by people with a sense of humour!