TODAY TAMESIDE, TOMORROW THE WORLD!

IN COD WE TRUST!

Tameside is supposed to be a democracy; however capitalism has taken a huge amount of political power away from individuals and given it to big businesses. 

Basically, a vast number of our politicians have been bought and paid for by big businesses, and the influence that companies have over the democratic process is still increasing. 

Some people might even say that companies have more political control than that of the citizens. …But I’ll leave it up to you to decide.

*Not content with owning one of the North Wests largest Social Housing Associations, an Educational Academy, a Radio Station, a Local Newspaper and integrating their services with The Lottery Fund with a ‘Local Trust’ scheme, rumours abound that one of New Charters senior bosses (AKA The ‘Codfather') has now set his sights on taking over, more than 50 of Tameside’s traditional Fish & Chip Shops!

And where better to launch their ‘Flagship’ chippy, but next door to Ashton’s new M&S. 

In an exclusive interview, the ‘Codfather’ said, "Let's face it," he explained, "there's lots of folk out there who visit Ashton’s new M&S just to buy a packet of sweets; just so they can have it put in a M&S bag as proof they shopped there. Now we all know that because the council has put up their Council Tax, most people couldn't afford anything else in the big shop, but they just want proof they'd been there. So where better? After walking all the way there from the Bus Station, they’ll be ready for something good to eat, so we, at New Charter, have put forward plans to provide a decent place to buy a decent fish supper.

Speaking outside New Charter’s swanky modern offices, a senior Director said, “it was when we, in conjunction with Tameside’s refuse investigators, analysed what and where our residents were eating, we decided that we should take a bigger ‘pizza the action’ 

So after putting together a business plan we applied a little muscle for urgent planning permission to ‘our friends’ on Tameside’s council and with that 'The Tameside Star Chip Enterprise' scheme, was put in motion.

After being inundated by applications from several members of the council who craved fish-and-chip shop executive status, the family, sorry, the board decided, that in order to appear totally legitimate, ideally we would need to employ a ‘husband and wife team to front up the operation!

We chose Barrie and Ann because we assumed the family link with the Pie family could prove useful when putting together our supply network. At first they refused, but, after pointing out to Ann just what happens to gobby councillors, with a chip on their shoulders, they both saw sense. It was then that we made them an offer they couldn’t refuse!

Joining the press conference and wearing their matching ‘We hate Maggie’ aprons the devoted councillors explained, “We now plan to work together at lunch time, which will be really nice, and then again in the evening. But we will have a part-time fryer, so we’ll get a couple of evenings off as well so we can get to the council meetings. We don't plan open Sundays, because we don't want to be too rich, and also it would be nice to spend time with the family."

Our initial outlet will be called ‘A Salt N Battered' and phase two based near the New Mosque on Katherine Street , will be launched as,'Balti Towers' and once established we will be ‘partnering’ with other  successful Tameside Fish & Chip Bars to enable the company to expand by force-franchising the business plan, going forward, throughout the borough.

The ‘Codfather’ finished off his remarks by saying, “We've always maintained, that if you can control their food source, then a feverish, blind and irrational allegiance to the rest of the business, can easily be achieved.

So, despite this invasion into the control of Tameside’s food source, it appears that no amount of personal pain, errors on the part of their leadership, family problems or valid criticisms of the group can sway Tameside residents’ allegiance away from 'the cult.'

* The story above is complete satire. In other words, it is entirely fictitious!