ANYONE MISSING A 'TAYLOR'S' DUMMY?

I happened across a nugget of coprolite wisdom towards the end of May; albeit hidden away on page 43 of the Reporter, in which, astonishingly, an almost unrecognisable, smartly suited and booted’ councillor was featured clutching yet another trifling award for Ashton Market.

Gone were the scruffy jeans, the high vis’ jerkin and look-a-like trainers; to be replaced by a scrubbed-up ‘Taylor’s dummy’ that looked like it had just been kidnapped from Burton’s Window and for which, if you were not already aware, claims total responsibility for what’s left of Tameside’s markets! (…that is until anything goes wrong, then it becomes someone else’s problem!)

This time, the award was for being ‘The Most Coach Friendly Shopping Destination’ in the National Coach Tourism Awards, organised by the trade magazine, National Coach Monthly!

Now, I don’t know about you, but finding myself unable think of a dedicated place in or around Ashton Market, or even in the whole of Tameside where a group of tourist laden coaches could park up for the day, I plucked up my courage and after popping a couple of Prozac capsules to ward off the inevitable anxiety attack I usually encounter when conversing with bureaucrats, I rang the councils Parking Services Department.

It went something like this:

Ring Ring, …Ring Ring, …Ring, Ring   ….Then the usual scripted insincere nonsense of:

“Hello, Tameside Council, ***** speaking, how can I help you?....”

“Yes, Good morning, can you put me through to someone in the Parking Department, please?”

“Oh, we can deal with that here!”

OK, great, can you tell me where I can park a 56 seat coach, near to the centre of Ashton?”

“Just hold the line, ….....… (there followed 2 minutes of annoying canned music)

“Hello caller, …is it for today?”

“No, no, it’s for future reference!”

“Well you’ve got to write-in in the first instance or send an email at least a week before hand requesting a space and giving us the coach’s details and registration number!”

“Oh, I see, but where exactly is the coach park?”

On Gas Street, behind Bootses! …but as I say, you’ll have to email a week beforehand to request a space to be reserved.”

“OK, well thank you for your help!”

So, if Tameside council have received an award for ‘The Most Coach Friendly Shopping Destination’ based on the facilities as described, one wonders what those other towns who didn't get such an accolade are offering.

The mind boggles!