Curmudgeon

TAMESIDE COUNCILLORS COME UP WITH A ‘NUGGET’ BY RENAMING THEMSELVES ‘THE HEN PARTY’

 

Noticing the huge support from Tameside residents regarding an animal shelter in Clayton who recently sent out an urgent appeal for people to give rescued ex-battery hens a second chance in a loving home, Tameside Councillors have quickly seized on the well-liked initiative and will be starting their local election campaign on 1^st April with a totally different approach to garner support after it was discovered that there was growing discontent over BREXIT in the once secure Labour stronghold.

 

For the duration of the election campaign, they are apparently temporarily renaming themselves ‘The Hen Party’ and this ‘Political Poultry in Motion’ will dress accordingly to add memorable ‘optics’ to their usual mob-handed leaflet drops and targeted doorstep canvassing – this time around, voters will be accosted by eerily smiling flocks of costumed councillors and campaigners, striding up residents garden paths whilst clucking excitedly - all clutching clipboards, brandishing leaflets and wearing KFC (Kindness For Chickens) rosettes.

 

Speaking for the Conservatives, Cllr Phil’ Chadwick said, “We on the opposition suspect fowl play!”and went on to warn them, “not to count their chickens before they’ve hatched.”

 

Cllr John Taylor, a guy who likes to ruffle everyone's feathers, adopted his usual stance and commented, “As usual I think I'll just wing it” - However, he was roundly criticized by all for being too cocky!

 

In the Council chamber, Council Leader, Brenda Warrington and Tory spokesman John Bell; egged on by a few die-hards in the gallery, argued into to the night, constantly egging each other on over the waste of council tax funds and the sheer crassness of Labour hatching this poultry plan, with the Leader finally reminding the long standing Tory Councillor of the Labour controlled pecking order and vigorously defended the proposed Labour campaign slogan of: ‘Labour - By fair means or fowl’ adding, As to the cost, it's mere chickenfeed!"

 

To which, Cllr Doreen Dickenson cautioned the small clutch of socialists supporters who had flocked to the gallery, that their comedy antics would definitely come home to roost!

 

The argument was joined by Cllr Philip Fitzpatrick; who himself no spring chicken, stuck to his usual mantra by shouting “United we stand, divided we fowl.” Although having just woken from a power-nap, he once again ended up with ‘egg on his face’ when he was heckled by someone from the gallery saying his councillorship was not all it was cracked up to be, and criticized him for voting to open yet another drive-through fast food outlet in nearby Hattersley, to which he resumed his perch, turned broody, stuck his head under his wing and was not heard from again during the meeting!

 

This campaign has sprung up because of the sad news that the Millstream Animal Shelter has been tirelessly trying to find homes for 12,000 chickens from a working farm that is due to close down.

 

If good, ethical homes cannot be found for all of them by the end of March – they will sadly be sent to slaughter.

 

Food for thought: Poultry is the world’s fastest-growing animal protein source, simply because, it is inexpensive, it experiences limited cultural and religious barriers, is environmentally friendly in comparison to most other animal protein sources, and is generally quite widely available in ASDA, Morrison’s LIDLE, ALDI, ICELAND and other popular food outlets throughout Tameside.