FAST-TRACK APPLICATION

FAO: Sir Peter Fahy  cc. Tony Lloyd

Dear Sirs,

Having watched Dixon of Dock Green from 1955; been thrilled by the antics of Detective Chief Superintendent Tom Lockhart in No Hiding Place, practiced with my ‘Dinky Toy’ Ford Zephyr police cars whilst watching Z-Cars, avidly followed A Touch of Frost, marvelled at Barlow at Large, sympathised with Tom Nettles as the recovering alcoholic Detective in Bergerac, and was mildly shocked when Commander Clare Blake (Amanda Burton) as a member of the detective murder squad in London, willingly slept with suspects so that evidence could be gained from them, in The Commander.

Those early police shows encouraged me to set the TV planners so that I wouldn’t miss an episode of Dalziel and Pascoe. Then there was Adam Dalgliesh, who rose from the ranks within Scotland Yard from Constable to Commander, which contrasted enormously with the themes portrayed in The Gentle Touch. Then there was Gideon's Way, starring Liverpudlian John Gregson. I also went on to enjoy Heartbeat, set in 1960s Yorkshire and Inspector George Gently, set in the same era, but this time shot on location in Northumberland and County Durham. Then there was the studious Inspector Morse, which was followed by Lewis. The Inspector Lynley Mysteries, was another fine example of complex police work, while I thought that Inspector Wexford, with George Baker, was a bit plodding.

Another favourite was Juliet Bravo; the story of a female police inspector who took over control of a police station in the fictional town of Hartley in Lancashire.

That was followed by the enigmatic Midsomer Murders, New Scotland Yard and New Tricks featuring the fictitious Unsolved Crime and Open Case Squad (UCOS) Then there was the entire Prime Suspect Series 1 to 7, Rebus, Rockliffe's Babies, Scott & Bailey, Softly, Softly & Softly, Softly Taskforce, Special Branch and The Sweeney, starring John Thaw as Detective Inspector Jack Regan, and Dennis Waterman as his partner Detective Sergeant George Carter. 

Other block busting series featured Taggart, The Bill, The Chinese Detective, Thief Takers, Van der Valk, The Vice, and who could forget the dower Jack Shepherd in Wycliffe!

So, Sir Peter, having laid out my credentials, I would like to apply to be a Senior Detective in the Greater Manchester Police ‘fast-track’ scheme at the rank of Superintendent.

I realise that credibility built at street level can be a crucial factor when dealing with dangerous and critical incidents, that’s why the rank of ‘Superintendent’ would suite me best as I understand that most senior police officers are now simply bureaucrats and performance managers, whose policing experience is mostly from decades ago and as such, is now considered outdated.

Therefore to that end, I would submit that 40+ years in Advertising and Marketing where I was responsible for introducing many ground-breaking ideas and introducing phrases like “Thought leadership“, “Stakeholders’, “Taking an action-orientated approach” and “Walking through open doors” in conjunction with 55+years of watching Police Drama’s on TV, makes me eminently suitable to carry out today’s senior policing duties, - besides I need a better pension!

AWARD WINNING IDEA FOR THE NEW ASHTON CANAL BOAT SQUAD

I understand that entry level pay is in the region of £70 grand, with a company ‘unmarked’ car (with the usual ‘dee-der’ and blue lights hidden in the grill) plus I believe there will be an automatic invitation to attend the ACPO Christmas Party, with overnight stay in a top London Hotel, for me and the misses!

I can start immediately; please advise where I can park at HQ. and pick-up my day-glo jacket.

Yours faithfully,

(Prospective Detective Superintendent)  CURMUDGEON