THE PARABLE OF THE TAMESIDE BOAT RACE

TAMESIDE COUNCIL ROWING TEAM

A few years ago, Tameside council were challenged by their counterparts in Trafford to engage in a competitive boat race to be staged on Salford Quays.

Both teams aware that the LGA were awarding a Green Flag Beacon to the winning team, they practised hard and long to reach their peak performance.

The Trafford team began their training on Sale's Water Park, whilst Tameside commandeered Stamford Park's Lake for the entire Summer.

On the big day, although Tameside felt fit and ready, Trafford won by a mile. 

Afterwards, the Tameside team was so discouraged by the loss, that morale sagged throughout the Town Hall and infighting broke out between Diversity Managers, Street-Walking Advisor's and Equal Opportunities personnel, who were blamed for insisting that at least one member of the team was chosen from amongst the ranks of the disabled.

TAMESIDE MANAGERS IN DISPUTE OVER WHO STEERS

The council was in such disarray that corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so, at great expense to the taxpayer, a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and to recommend corrective action.

After several months, the consultants' produced their findings: The report found that the Trafford team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the Tameside team had one person rowing and eight people steering.

Now after a year of study and millions spent analysing the problem, the consultants concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the Tameside team.

So as race day neared again the following year, the Tameside teams management structure was completely reorganised. The new structure consisted of 4 steering managers, 3 area steering managers and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide them with a work incentive.

This time, the Trafford team won by two miles.

TAMESIDE TRAINER WITH WIG

Humiliated again, Tameside's Executive Leader laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the cause of the problem.

…Some things never change in Tameside!